I've kept telling myself,
'Da, you're just being hypersensitive'
'Da, you're being irrational'.
Yet, as much as I'm doing my best to rationalise every situation, may it be big or small, I just can't help it.
I knew I've been experiencing post-partum/antenatal depression and anxiety ('meroyan' as Bruneians called it). Up to this day while I'm pregnant with baby no.2, it just worsens.
Recognisable symptoms I'm currently facing:
1. Being depressed for at least 2 weeks
2. Lack of energy
3. Feeling disconnected with the world and my surroundings
4. Feeling worthless & hopeless
5. Disrupted sleeping pattern
6. Excessive worry that's difficult to control
8. Tension/muscle aches
9. Feeling restless inside
10. Poor concentration
Honestly, I know what triggers all these and yet I still keep on walking through those spikes because there's a saying 'Strength does not come with winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength''.
The point I'm trying to make in this post, post-partum/antenatal depression and anxiety is very much real.
How am I trying to cope now?
1. well, as you are witnessing now, sharing my thoughts publicly that I'm fighting with the 'demons' in me.
2. focusing back my life by starting the day with the first most important task: Made my bed. It eventually works. I started with that task, and eventually I achieved more tasks for the day (may it be doing my laundry, giving my toddler his bath time). By the end of the day, I get that sense of accomplishment.
3. this point is unfortunately sad; cut off all subjects that will trigger my anxiety (may it be my surrounding or people) during this pregnancy. As I said previously, no matter how much I'm trying to rationalise myself, my mental state of mind is having a great deal of difficulty to compromise logic.
4. seeking medical help.
I really can't wait for this terrifying feeling to be over.
For all those who are going through the same, hang in there! <3